i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Randomize
