So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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