i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
