I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
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I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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