U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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