Cold hands, warm shart.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
