i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
