thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
thus making me awesome and them whores
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
