I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
