Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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