You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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