can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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