there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
