Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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