she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
