We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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