epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
