It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
