It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
