Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
