a queef is a wish your heart makes.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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