I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
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She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
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Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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