I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
