Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
