i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
