thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
