if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
