i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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