Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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