i just wanna soil my oats bro
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
