I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
