I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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