she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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