Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
