Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
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I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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