hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
