I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize