just got booed by the entire restaurant.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
