you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize