You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
