I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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