I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
