4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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