totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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