why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
