so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize