we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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