If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
