peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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