P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
