My room smells like vodka and shame
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Randomize
