His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
