just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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