the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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