ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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