hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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