I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
