doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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