Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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