I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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