bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
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