Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
you had me at cake vodka
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
