can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He shit in the fireplace
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