So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
