dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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